As the holiday draws to a close, the bereaved enthusiastically searches for ways to regain its magic after the death of a loved one. This holiday will be different. How can we expect the same? Great sadness can often turn out the best efforts to make the holiday a happy family. However, it is possible to rearrange the special moments, thoughts, and memories that make the holidays worthwhile. The magicians that make it happen come from the inside and they flow from your spirit to the outside. It shines in honor of the romantic past.
Whether you believe in “magic”, there is something special about words that appeal to even the spirit of experience. Magic is like hope. It’s natural, it’s fiction, and it inspires us to believe in everything we can, even if we can’t see it. We are impressed. We want to be known. We want to believe that magical experiences bring the path to happiness.
You can make the magic happen for you this holiday but, it takes two sacrifices. (1.) Feel free to change – big or small and (2) Commit yourself to being part of your plans so that your vacation will be all you want.
Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect life. Everyone has problems; some more than others. For some bereaved, there will be no need to change the holiday celebration; but for some even a small call can make the day better and bring better results.
The bereaved often struggles with Five Problems as the holiday path approaches. Everything can end.
1. NOTE: The expectations of others and our expectations of what a “day” should be may vary. We long for our vision of the perfect vacation that was before the death of our loved one. Grief and sadness lead us to think that the holiday experience may not be as it once was.
· Be careful not to develop “feelings” that may make you stubborn or selfish. By doing this, you are ignoring the feelings of others who endure suffering. Setting aside personal preferences for the benefit of all involved is difficult. Making decisions about past practices and progress will require the efforts of the group (or family), group structure, and group thinking.
· Consider others’ ideas and try to incorporate their ideas into your planning process. Set goals that are realistic or attainable. Either your celebration plan in the past was the most brutal of the first or second holiday lost.
· Make sure you are well prepared for every meeting and event. Don’t just expect things to happen and for everyone to be well. Even children need to be involved in planning. In many cases their innocent wisdom can teach us all a great deal about a very important issue.
In one word: Recommendation: do not change your customs too much so that no one will notice. A little restoration can be all you need to create a “magic spell.”
One way to tie everyone’s expectations together is to create a “new culture” that honors your loved one and / or makes everyone involved. For example: We are buying a large bunch of live flowers for the holiday. The flowers capture the love, humor, and excitement of everyone attending our meetings. Then we take the funeral to the cemetery and place it next to our son’s casket. It’s a magical feeling that proves to be unforgettable.
2. PRACTICE ACTIVITIES
Should I go to a party? Should I set a price? Will I send greeting cards? Is it good to see neighbors and friends who are celebrating the day? There are so many choices that plague our mind as the holiday approaches. Each one challenges our thinking and can be a way to make good decisions. Sometimes we feel like we should avoid all the reminders of a “no good” holiday or a loved one. We can also consider “canceling” the celebrations. You can try to force your whole family to feel guilty because you feel guilty and think you have to rob yourself of any happiness.
Instead, the holiday is a family affair. Organizations we have been in before have faced similar problems and have found ways to continue to enjoy the holiday. The day can either continue the cultural heritage or be made up of new traditions that fit the needs of the family.
Sometimes the decisions are simple and they affect you personally. Sometimes the decisions you make affect a large group of people. But you are all struggling with the same loss – in different ways. Acknowledge that everyone is working with you to help you through these difficult times. The right choice is a mess. Discover the magic of mixing old traditions with something new.
3. WICKED SPIRITS & Unity
“Sometimes the only spirit that can change a broken heart is a broken one. Because they hold all the pieces.” (author unknown)
It is not uncommon for families to “break up” after a divorce or relationship changes. Family trauma does not just happen after the death of a loved one. Many things result in broken relationships including death, divorce, remarriage, and the like. Today, mixed families are the norm. The results require informal and unplanned communication between established families. There will be special events such as graduation, birthdays, weddings, baptisms, funerals, and holidays that call for or require pre-arranged family reunification. Our past relationships continue to affect our lives forever. Despite evolution, people can live in the future. We need to re-evaluate how we can manage this before it becomes a problem.
Avoid getting up. There is no better time to ask family members to determine which side they follow.
– Find out about your renovated family as a mature adult. You can set examples for children to show that they are living in a relationship that is difficult even when ideas are fragmented.
· If your family needs to get together and stay settled, set some rules and do not discuss what separates you. Keep the day or event peaceful. Choose a family member who can deal with the problem for a while and get everyone back to the contract, if needed.
Remember, “things” are just things. But, past or present people are part of our support system in good times and bad — whether we agree with them or not.
You can also activate the magic by setting up your relationship. They have always been a part of your life. Treat them with dignity and respect.
4. CULTURAL ACTIVITIES
Relatives and Friends will encourage you to move, attend parties, and have fun. You can continue to torment yourself by feeling sorry for what you have lost, and you might want to tell your family and friends to “take care of what they are doing.” Acknowledge that they want to interact with you and be sad about their feelings.
There is no magic to be gained or made if you do not want to take an accident. Be vulnerable in yourself and try out invitations and social events. Set your own rules for how long you stay, and whether you drive or not. You can control the location and time. Surprisingly, you can get a few minutes of happy time with the right people.
The magic that guides healing your grief lies in finding new places to go, people to meet, and events that challenge you to enjoy yourself.
5. HEARING THAT ONE My Beloved IS FORGIVENESS
If you feel that holidays and special days are affecting the important person in your life; and now you don’t have one … this can aggravate your deep sadness during the holiday season. This emotion is sometimes difficult and understandable. In a world where couples and families grow, a bereaved person feels isolated. It can cause anger because you think others don’t care.
Unfortunately this is part of the sad process and finding a new “you” is lost. No one can do it for you. However, others may be helpful to help you in difficult situations if you give them the opportunity. Break the ice; Encourage your friends to talk about their experiences. Be consistent and try something new by restoring “you.” Many of your relatives and friends want to be involved in your healing if you give them a chance. “Tomorrow is just today … will be repeated … if you don’t change anything.”
There is no way to learn the best when planning your vacation. Recovery is about changing your celebrations to achieve lifestyle changes. It’s not about forgetting. It is about preserving what feels good and just taking it for granted. Much success depends on your situation and your willingness to make something different. Occult times are possible even during difficult times. The magicians come through repeated memories, the joy shown, the shared love, and your creative mind. You can do it! Restart your vacation … create some magic … and believe in all possibilities!